Tulum: The Worst Vacation I’ve Ever Had

Have you been considering a vacation in Tulum? Think again! Flying on a jet to paradise is not all luxury.

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Have you been considering a vacation in Tulum? Think again!

When my friend first texted me about a quick trip to Tulum, I knew it’d be a terrible time, but I agreed anyway. When you live in a place like New York City, it’s good to get out of the city, or at least that’s what they say. So against my better judgement, I packed my things for what was supposed to be a long restful weekend, but boy was it anything but.

First, we had to fly on a private jet because the getaway was for a special event hosted by the jet company. Can’t a man book a flight like a normal person? The joys of checking bags, regular customs, and sharing a plane with a bunch of strangers… these are things I love!

We arrived in Tulum later than expected and had to rush to the event that had already begun at Noma. If you aren’t familiar with Noma, it’s a world-renowned, two-Michelin star restaurant in Copenhagen operated by Michelin star Chef René Redzepi.

They closed down the Copenhagen shop to open this 7-week experience beneath a canopy of palm trees in Tulum. The meal was a whopping 16 courses, each with its own drink pairing. I had to suffer through things like Coconut and Caviar, Flower Soup, and some sort of avocado they said was dessert. Avocado a dessert? I felt like I was back in NYC at some hip new Brooklyn restaurant.

Arriving after sunset , I didn’t even get a good look at where I was staying until the next morning. Air Conditioning isn’t really a thing in Tulum so I awoke as the sun and a completely uninvited ocean breeze swept into my room. Walking around the beachfront villa, I was appalled. It was barely ten times the size of my apartment in New York . This place was mediocre at best.

Tulum has easy access to dozens of cenotes–the crystal clear swimming pools formed out of sunken limestone bedrock. And let’s be honest: why are these even a thing? Who would ever want to swim in a huge hole filled with cool water? There’s not even chlorine. When I took a dip in one, it was terrible. I missed my sweltering NYC subway platforms–cooling off like a normal person.

All in all, Tulum is an okay place to visit if you like eating great food and lounging on the beach in perfect temperatures. If you’re like me and would rather spend your free time fighting through crowded streets, don’t go to Tulum. If you enjoy being stressed out, don’t go to Tulum. If you prefer a mundane, no frills getaway, don’t go to Tulum.

Brian Cason

Brian is a New York City-based freelance photographer and full-time Content Manager at Moment. He's passionate about cheap pizza and expensive coffee, but will never turn down a cup of joe.

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